boredom strikes again ~

i'm posting up blog because of the extreme boredom and nobody is around. waiting for elaine to come over to accompany me. even after watching a couple of movies. from sex and the city to the prison break. i'm totally out of idea what else to do. shit muthafucker holy fuck shit.

anyhow, i'm up with some kinda of romantic love poems. it's kinda bitchy to write those poems but trying really hard. i do write good ones though. well, those poems that i wrote, i realised that i had only sent to one person. the same person after all. in short words, i wrote for him. some people might think that it's romantic. it's sweet. i do as well. if a guy write me a poem, i think i wouldn't react this way. i'll freak out. how pathetic.

it depends actually. i wish that he would write poems for me. sing to me. dance again with me. lying on the bed doing nothing but just cuddling. most of all, treating me as his princess once more.

every single things happened for a reason. every single relationship that were formed due to fate. every single love that are shared because of the deep within feelings and chemistry. every single hope that are given out because of trust. every single joy because of the smile that lightens up someone's heart. i felt for everything that i had with him. i felt for it.

MMU!

being in malacca for about 4 days now, everything seems smooth. well, im a lil home sick. i miss home. i miss my precious bed. i miss kl. i miss hanging out with my friends. i miss kelvin, shikin and sabby. the most, i miss being in pv's arms again. ;(

everything i spent on it's all in my budget. i have to control my spending. well, this month , i spent most on things that i need. doing all the things by myself, sometimes it's really tough. well, trying to get use to it. it might take some time to get adapt o everything.

-280107-

today is the day.

i realised about so many things today.
i've did some mistakes.
maybe i've changed.
and i hope time really can do the magic to this relationship.
as my love never will changed.


-250107-

my relationship.

every step i take in this relationship, it brings me no where. how much that i wanna it to work out? it didnt turn out what it seems to be. he is an awesome guy. who has huge goals in his life. every attraction that i see in him arent physical stuffs. he has more love to be pour out. every single time, he kisses my forehead, he is a step away from my heart. it's was that close. sometimes, when i think of him, i see future in us. sometimes, when i think of him, i smiled to myself. how i always wish that he is right beside me. thru thickness and thin, thru happiness and sorrows. deep down in my heart, i want to see his smile all the time. seeing him happy and smiling seriously brings more joy to me than giving presents or having suprise party for me.i have to admit that sometimes, i bring things totally far ahead.

i felt twice the hurt he felt. despite all the fights and arguements, i still love him more than i could ever tell. even the puppy that he gave to me, by even looking at it, unaware that it never keeps me stop smiling. how i feel that everytime i cry, without fail, he is always there to advise and hug me and comfort me as well. he is the most wonderful gift that is given by god to me. every prayer i pray, i pray for his well being, his health and his protection everywhere he goes. i know my god high above is always there to look after my loved ones.

everytime when i look at him, when he is sleeping, i can see the inner thoughts of him. despites everything i see, i cant seem to see feel what he feels. it feels like totally different. the sweetness i felt in this relationship are overwhelmed. both of us had gone thru hardships, nothing can compared to the happiness in me, for me to have him by myside. this relationship means the world to me, nothing can describe to this.

if i was given a chance to choose all over again, it wouldnt change the fact that i will still choose this relationship eventhough i knew what we both had been thru. i have never regret of my own decision. until now, despite all the huge arguements, nothing will change my love towards this man.

till then. ;)

19/11/06
8:17 pm

a new beginning.

okays. i was just telling my friends today that i had this blog thingy with fucking lots of love shits. seriously, when it comes to emotional moments and stuffs like that, honestly for now, i got over it. what is there to be upset or get emotional bout when you know there is someone out there whom are meant to be with you. sooner or later, you might get your own prince charming or your lil princess or whatsoever. it's gonna be absolutely amazing.

as chemistry comes into the picture, i realised that i'm starting to change my mind in terms of relationship as it's sort of like due to bad break ups too.

i just miss the feeling of getting pampered from someone else. it's like you know there is someone wanting the whole of you and just be there for you. being caring towards you and pampers you.

in other words, it's all about cherish the love.

*smiles*

what hurts the most.

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again
I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken.

the ending of the relationship.

"Ending a relationship is just like having the worst nightmare after having the bestdream.""We cannot beg someone to stay if they want to leave and be with someone else. We have to admit that love doesn't give us the license to own a person. This is what love means...sacrifice.""

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesnt mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

""Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them.

""A failing love is like desperately hanging on to something precious; not wanting to give up, but your hands feel the pain. And, when you finally let go, you're free from any pain, but your hands are empty.""They say no matter how dark the night is, thesun always rises again ... I say lost love make some realize that no matter how bright the day is,the sun will always set again.

""A heart breaking isn't always as loud as a bomb exploding.. Sometimes it can be as quiet as a feather falling..

And the most painful thing is,no one really hears it, except you..""Who do you run to when the only person who can make you stop crying, is exactly the one who is making you cry?"